Tiger Mom = Tiger Daughter?
I saw this update on the Today Show – yes, Tiger Mom, Amy Chua is back.
Without getting into whether I agree with her methods (and there are many I find unpalatable) I admit I have a soft spot for the (in)famous Tiger Mom. Having my own “Dragon Mom” likely has a tiny bit to do with that.
My mom had a lot of the same philosophies:
- Piano over sports
- Overbearing over permissive
- Mom is never wrong
- Piano, piano, and more piano
Of course, Dragon Mom also has a dragon temper – many things were said to me that would make Tiger Mom look like an extra soft piece of cotton candy.
And yet… given a choice, would I go back and edit out those parts of my childhood? Make it so that absolutely everything was nice, loving, and respectful? Without hesitation, my answer is, ‘NEVER‘.
My spirit, my energy, the very essence of who I am, had a very specific curriculum to go through to make me the person I am today – and am still continuing to become. It’s the same for Amy Chua’s kids, for Cotton Candy mom’s kids, for every single one of us.
What do I mean? How can I call the negative, hurtful experiences valuable and necessary?
First of all, I hold that all moms are doing the best they can based on their experiences and beliefs. All moms. I know it sounds crazy and controversial but I believe that even the “worst” mom in the world is doing the best she can. If her beliefs and thoughts are stressful and painful, her actions reflect that and her “best” looks very poor. Yet, it is still *her* best.
I could try vowing to stay away from the “mistakes” my mom made with me, but I am certain that despite my best efforts I will contribute to my kids’ spiritual curriculum in my own way.
Secondly, the challenges and hurts I faced with my mother served to expand me, push me into growth. Without facing what I did with her, would I have been able to get through the crushing experiences that came later? It’s unlikely. From my mother I learned how strong I really am. Yes, this Dragon Mom did beget a Dragon Daughter.
Pushing back against her gave me the drive I needed to follow my dream and become a medical intuitive. Forgiving my mom taught me to see past the actions and mistakes to the intention and love behind them. And now I have the experience and empathy to help my clients do the same.
Tiger Mom, Sheep Mom, Dragon Mom, Mouse Mom – whichever one you had, she taught you something, she contributed to a vital part of your spiritual growth and curriculum, she did her best, she played her part in a bigger picture.
Judge your mom? Unfair. Criticism of your spirit’s growth? I refuse to hear it. As should Amy Chua’s kids – as should you.