In or Out? Mastering the Internal Experience
Are you in or out?
The end of June marked the ending of an uncomfortable situation that lasted many months and (finally) reached its resolution. Even though it was my decision to take this action and take a stand against bad behaviour, it wasn’t all sunshine (except the ending).
Let me note that I wish to sound neither whiny or grieved – I know that for many people these kinds of matters can last for much, MUCH longer and I was quite fortunate.
And forgive me for being vague, but the details and what “the situation” was about are really unimportant. I will say that the matter was decided in my favour and I walked away feeling 10 pounds lighter and 3 inches taller.
But even before the resolution was reached, although my ducks were all lined up, I knew my stuff, the facts were indisputable and no luck was required – one nagging thought would occasionally pop up: “What if the outcome doesn’t go your way?”
Then afterward, though not nagging anymore, the more contemplative version: “Hmmm… what if it hadn’t gone your way?”
I’d have gotten over it of course, and perhaps felt some relief that a conclusion (any conclusion) had (finally) been had.
But would I have felt 10 pounds and 3 inches of relief?
Yet this was my honest intention – whether or not I would have been able to really achieve it right away.
Because if you really believe (and I do) that everything works out for the better, that everything happens FOR you and not TO you – through you and not at you – no outcome or situation matters compared to what’s going on inside you.
In other words, while you cannot control what happens in the external world, you are wholly in charge of your inner experience. It means not getting attached to the glee of “winning”, being equally happy and at peace no matter what the outer circumstances. Win or lose.
In a perfect world, right?
I know. And how the holy heck are we supposed to do that? Answer: practice. And practice and practice. And again, practice. As my favorite teacher Dr. Sue likes to say: “You can’t get it wrong, you can only get it long.”
This doesn’t mean just finding the bright side of whatever is going on.
This means that there is no bright side vs. dark side – in fact, there is only a bright side. So there’s no need to find it because you are already in it.
Have you ever needed to make ice and couldn’t get to the store to buy some? You probably filled a few ice cube trays and turned your freezer to its coldest setting. But there’s a shortcut: use hot instead of cold or room temperature water.
Really, true story.
So, why not? Maybe there is a form of human perception mpeba. I think it could really be easier than it sounds and you can get to seeing that every outcome is the best one – without the intermediary step of trying to make lemonade from your lemons.
Because one of the things this experience has taught me – the freedom the 10 pound, 3 inch feeling brings is wonderful. Wonderful… sitting on a tropical island-type of wonderful. My intention is that I attach to this feeling outside of ANY outcome, fully committing to my inner experience.